Winnipeg Weddings: A Tale of Two Celebrations

Manitoba legalized same-sex marriage in 2004, nine years before Minnesota and eleven years before the U.S., which gave many same-sex couples the chance to say “I do” in Canada, without having to wait for legalization in the U.S. The weddings of two local couples in particular stand out because of their unique contrasts. Bernie Erickson and David Hamilton had a classic, traditional wedding, while Sherry Carlsrud and Stacy Atkinson’s wedding reflected their love of Science Fiction.

Read the couple’s stories to discover how each couple chose to celebrate their marriages. What is your idea of a perfect wedding?

David and Bernie

David and Bernie Hamilton's wedding day, August 11, 2006 in Winnipeg. Courtesy of David Bernie Hamilton

David, a music professor at Concordia College, and Bernie, a realtor, met in 2002. By 2006, they knew they had found “the one.” Despite knowing that their marriage would not be recognized by the U.S. government, they decided to tie the knot. They were professionals in their 40s, so they had the means to throw a classy destination wedding in Winnipeg.

Once back at home, Bernie and David were open about their marriage and faced little criticism. They rallied at the Supreme Court and sued the state of North Dakota to get legal recognition of their marriage.

Sherry and Stacy

Sherry (left) and Stacy (right) with another cosplayer at Central Canada ComicCon in Winnipeg, 2011. Courtesy of Sherry and Carlsrud and Stacy Atkinson.

Sherry and Stacy met at a Fargo-Moorhead Gay Association dance in 1993. They bonded over their shared love of Science Fiction and Fantasy. In 2011, they decided to take their vows in Winnipeg at Central Canada ComicCon. Actress Chase Masterson from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine volunteered as their wedding photographer. Their wedding outfits were jeans and black hoodies, but they debated getting married in the Star Wars costumes they brought.

When Sherry and Stacy arrived back in Fargo, they kept their marriage a secret. One of Sherry’s co-workers was part of an organization that was fighting against
marriage equality.

Clay County's Proposal: Preparing for Midnight Matrimony

It began with a proposal: Judges Lisa Borgen and Michelle Lawson thought it would be fun to have a ceremony for anyone who wanted to get married when the law went into effect at midnight on August 1, 2013. They floated the idea by the Clay County Recorder’s Office, Clay County Courthouse workers, Moorhead Police Officers, and the Clay County Sheriff’s Department. Do you want to help make this happen? All said “I do.”

Clay County Recorder Bonnie Rehder, Chief Deputy Recorder Diane Streifel, and Deputy Recorders Kimbery Savageau and Lisa Kunze eagerly volunteered to attend. Sheriff Bill Bergquist arranged building security. Moorhead Police Officers Chris Carey, Michael Detloff, and Derec Swenson planned to ensure everyone’s safety outside. Staff spread the word, asking if anyone wished to be married at a midnight ceremony. Eighteen couples said “I do.”








Top left: Judge Michelle Lawson. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.

Middle left: Judge Lisa Borgen. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.

Bottom: Cindy Phillips and Jan Jorgensen with family and friends at Usher’s House the evening of July 31, 2013. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.

Pre-Ceremony Dinner

The Fargo-Moorhead Pride Collective organized a pre-ceremony celebration at Usher’s House. Some couples getting married that night had their own reservations at Usher’s to gather with friends over dinner and drinks before the courthouse opened.

Married at Midnight

The Ceremony

On the day of the ceremony, the maintenance staff, security guards, judges, and Recorder’s Office prepared the Clay County Courthouse.

The couples filled out paperwork and were assigned a number that corresponded to a masking tape X on the courtroom floor, indicating where to stand. Witnesses and guests crowded in behind the couples.

It was a very eclectic group. There were young couples in their early twenties and couples in their sixties and seventies. Some couples dressed casually in jeans and flip flops while others had coordinated suits.

A few minutes after midnight, the judges came out, the couples were ushered in, and the ceremony began.





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Top: A volunteer from the Clay County Recorder’s Office helps couples file paperwork before the ceremony on July 31, 2013. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.

Bottom: Wide angle shot of the Courtroom during the midnight ceremony on
August 1, 2013. Photo by Kensie Wallner.

Steve and Chris

Steve and Chris had a summer romance while working at Disney World. When the job ended, Chris moved to Fargo to be with Steve. They were already planning their commitment ceremony in Steve’s hometown of Mayville, ND, on August 9 when they heard they could be legally married a week before at the Clay County Courthouse. They did both.

The young couple had evening jobs, so they had to rush to make it to the courthouse by midnight. Steve got pulled over for speeding that night. He explained that he was rushing to his wedding. The female police officer said she was also thinking about marrying her girlfriend now, but she gave Steve a ticket anyway. The Goerings now live in Texas.

"I just remember him putting the ring on my hand. … It seemed so official. And I had never expected it for myself; I never expected to get married, so it all happened very quickly. But, having the actual ring on the finger, and then having this kiss to seal it was probably the most memorable part for me."

- Steve Goering

​"I loved that whole ceremony we had on the first because it gave a platform to people from all walks of life—not just two young guys like us at the time, but there were two gals there that were, you know, could be my grandmothers, and that was inspiring as hell to me."


​- Chris Goering

Barb and Rhea

Barb and Rhea met at work in 2003 and it was love at first sight. The couple, along with their young son from Rhea’s first marriage, became active members at Moorhead’s First Congregational United Church of Christ, a church that was very welcoming to gay and Lesbian couples. They had a church wedding
in 2011.

Rhea took Barb’s last name after their 2013 wedding, and, as his birthday request, so did their son. The Thielbars now live in Idaho.

"I lived in fear for several years that [our son] was going to be taken away from me, and my sexuality was held over my head. And so, as he got older and as times changed and that power was no longer there, it was liberating. It was like we could focus on us as a family."

- Rhea Theilbar

​"I love to say that she’s my wife."

- Barb Theilbar

Jan and Robert

Jan and Robert got together later in life. After his wife passed away, Robert came out to his 86-year-old mother, his children, and his grandchildren. He saw Jan’s profile on a dating site for seniors: “He sings in the church choir; he’s in the opera, he has his own darkroom and photography. He’s got a double teaching degree in English and History, and he’s also ordained. And I thought ‘what a snob….” They met and hit it off.

They had a Lutheran wedding a year later, and a year after that, they were legally married at the Clay County Courthouse.

Robert passed away on May 16, 2022.

"...coming home that night as we crossed the river [into North Dakota], I said, ‘Oops. I guess we’re just good friends.’"

 - Jan Titus
Groom

Ron and Peter

Ron and Peter met by chance in 1985 at the Gay ‘90s, a bar in the Twin Cities. Ron was an architecture professor at North Dakota State University. Peter was a costume designer in Minneapolis. A mutual friend suggested the two get together. They did. Peter moved to Fargo when a job opened, and they moved in
together.

​Twenty-nine years later, Peter picked out matching suits for their wedding day. After the ceremony, friends joined them for a 1am celebratory dinner at the Fryn’ Pan.

They were among the couples who sued the state of North Dakota to have their marriage recognized. They wanted the fairness of being treated equally under the law, but as men in their 60s, they also had practical concerns like estate planning, inheritance, health issues, and other legal protections that come with marriage.

"There we were locked up inside thinking, ‘Who’s going to be out there? Is it gonna be the whack jobs from Wichita, you know, who did come up and protest in, what, St. Paul?’ And, we knew when we were going in that there were sheriff deputies all over the place packing heat. We didn’t know what to expect when we went outside. And so, it’s all over and we go outside, and it’s like a party out there. …it really was festive. And the only cars that came by were honking their horns in support. So I…it was a public reaction immediately following the ceremony that I didn’t expect. It was just very positive."

- Ron Ramsay

Cindy and Jan

When Jan and Cindy first met, there were no sparks, and neither understood the other. A couple of years later, they met again at a dance and started spending time with one another. After that, it only took three months for Jan to propose to Cindy.

For Jan and Cindy, participating in the August 1 ceremony gave legal recognition to their commitment ceremony held 20 years earlier. Jan, a respiratory therapist and retired Navy officer, was excited to make history, and Cindy, an attorney and MSUM professor, wanted the legal protections that came with reaffirming their vows.

Jan and Cindy were among the couples who sued the state of North Dakota to recognize their marriage and to award Jan the full property tax break she deserved as a married disabled veteran. Both Jan and Cindy are active members of Red River Rainbow Seniors who helped shape this exhibit and the oral history project surrounding this event.

Justin and Ruby

Justin and Ruby DePaolis-Metz were one of the young couples who were married that night. Justin grew up in Yankton, SD, and moved here to attend college. He and Ruby of Mayville, ND, met online and soon found themselves moving into an apartment together in West Fargo. Both chose August 1 as their wedding day because they wanted to be part of the historic event.

Since they married, Ruby has come out as transgender and changed her name from Richie to Ruby. As a music teacher, Justin experienced job discrimination in North Dakota and Iowa. Neither state protects LGBTQ+ workers from discrimination. Ruby’s job in college admissions took the couple to Colorado, and Justin found a great job as a music teacher.

"Our fifth or sixth anniversary, can’t remember which one it was, but Ruby had to be away for work. I was alone, and I drove to the courthouse that night, and I sat in the empty parking lot, and it was the coolest thing... I could still see all the people filling that lot and the courthouse lit up. That night, they told us the people that had to be there—the security guards, the judges, everyone—that they were volunteering to be there. They could have just as easily said, ‘You know, it’s midnight, and I have family and I have all of this stuff too,’ but they showed up for us. So, when I went back to that lot, I could see that it was such a cool moment."

- Justin DePaolis-Metz

Cupcakes and Cheers

In unison, Judge Lisa Borgen and Judge Michlle Lawson declared “By the power vested in us by the state of Minnesota, we pronounce that you are now legally married!” Cheers filled the room and kisses sealed the deal.

As they filed out, they were given cupcakes - red velvet, vanilla, or chocolate.

Fear based on years of experienced bigotry flashed before many of them as they wondered who was waiting for them on the other side of the courthouse doors. There were indeed hundreds gathered outside, but not a single protester was among them. The crowd held supportive posters and cheered everyone as they emerged from the
courthouse. Many couples recall this as one of the highlights of the night.







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Top: Family and friends of the couples, and supporters from the community gathered outside the courthouse to greet the newlyweds on August 1, 2013. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.
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Bottom: Gjesdahl Law provided cupcakes for the newlyweds after the ceremony. Courtesy of Red River Rainbow Seniors.

"I’m personally very concerned that the new Supreme Court could nullify our marriage at a federal level, and we might be back to a state-by-state battle, which is extremely stressful and so depressing. And I hope that that does not happen. Please, World, don’t make that happen. Just let us keep our same-sex marriage status. Let us be happy, please."

- Sherry Carlsrud

Now Leaving Minnesota: The Battle for Recognition

A similar lawsuit was filed on June 9, 2014 by Cindy Phillips and Jan Jorgensen, who were also married in Moorhead on August 1, 2013.

The presiding judge put both cases on hold in January 2015, and instead waited for the US Supreme Court to decide for the whole country.

On June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court’s decision in the Obergefell v. Hodges case ruled that same-sex marriage bans were unconstitutional. Marriage Equality became law in North Dakota and the entire US.

Right: Couple Cindy Phillips and Jan Jorgensen traveled to Washington, D.C. to await the decision in the Obergefell v. Hodges case in 2016. The pair wore matching “Fargo for Justice,” t-shirts while demonstrating their support for nationwide marriage equality outside the Supreme Court building. Courtesy of Cindy Phillips and Jan Jorgensen.​

For eight of the couples wed in the Clay County Courthouse on August 1, the exhilaration of the evening was marred by the realization that they went home to a state that did not recognize their marriage. Seven couples lived in North Dakota and one in South Dakota.

On June 6, 2014, seven couples who had previously been married in Minnesota and Manitoba filed a federal lawsuit (Ramsay, et al. v. Dalrymple) seeking the freedom to marry in their home state. Among the couples were Ron Ramsay and Peter Vandervort, who were married in Moorhead on August 1, 2013, and David and Bernie Hamilton, who were married in Winnipeg in 2006.


Left: Cartoon by Trygve Olson for The Forum, 2013.

"We’ve been able to put each other on our health insurance, private health insurance, and that’s pretty much saved my life once if not twice. When we first started doing joint taxes as a married couple, we were saving anywhere from four to five thousand dollars a year in taxes just by being legally married."

- Sherry Carlsrud

"I was invited [to the ceremony] as a friend to begin with. I hadn’t really come out myself in that time period, but it meant a lot. It was really great to be there because it actually was opening a door for me that would happen for me later."


 - Steven Johnson

More Than a Piece of Paper: Real-life Impacts of Marriage Equality

Marriage equality has had significant and wide-ranging impacts on, not just Minnisotans, but people all over the county. These impacts can be seen in various areas, including legal, social, cultural, and economic aspects. Here are some ways in which marriage equality has influenced society.

Legal: LGBTQ+ couples can now access numerous legal rights and protections, such as estate and inheritance rights, health insurance, social security benefits, adoption rights, joint tax filing, and hospital visitation rights.

Marriages: In the first year after the law went into effect, 2,135 same-sex couples were married in Minnesota. This represented about 10 percent of all marriages in the state that year.

Economic Impact: A 2019 report by the Williams Institute estimated that the wedding industry in Minnesota benefited by over $63 million in the first three years after marriage equality. The report also estimated that about 1,287 jobs were created or supported by the increased demand for wedding services.

Employment: A study conducted by the Williams Institute found that the employment rate of LGBTQ+ individuals increased by 1.9% following marriage equality. The number of LGBTQ+ individuals who reported experiencing employment discrimination also decreased.

Health: A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine concluded that marriage equality contributes to better health outcomes for LGBTQ+ people, as well as improving access to health insurance for spouses and children.

Adoption: Survey data released by the U.S. Census Bureau in 2020 shows same-sex couples are more likely to adopt or foster children than opposite-sex couples. About 20.9% of same-sex couples had adopted children, in contrast to only 2.9% of opposite-sex couples.

"If you’re asking us if it changed us, yeah, it did. It made us—you could say it made us hyper-sensitive to those sorts of rights that we believe should be maintained, and we’re two people who bristle at suggestions by other people that these rights should be taken away."

Mark Barnhouse

Impacts of Moorhead’s Midnight Ceremony

​The midnight marriage ceremony in Moorhead on August 1, 2013, was a historic event that had significant impacts for both the couples involved and the broader community. The ceremony represented a milestone for marriage equality and helped bring attention to the ongoing struggles faced by LGBTQ+ people.

​Many couples had been together for years or even decades, and the opportunity to have their relationships legally recognized was an emotional and life-changing experience. The ceremony provided a sense of validation that their relationships mattered.
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Though only 18 couples were married in Clay County on August 1, 2013, the historic event inspired other local couples to tie the knot. You can read their stories below.
Do you know anyone who was personally affected by the legalization of same-sex marriage? How did their experience impact you?

​Cindy and Mary Lee

Mary Lee is a pharmacist and retired medical officer in the North Dakota Air National Guard. Cindy traveled around the country, working a variety of jobs in the arts, theater, marketing, costumes, and quilting, and she even owned a bait shop. They met each other later in life, and they made their home together in Fargo.

A decade ago, they watched with wonder as discrimination they felt all their lives was easing: the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” in 2011 (important for a military family), followed by different states and whole countries legalizing same-sex marriage. They served as witnesses to Ruby and Justin DePaolis-Metz at the August 1, 2013, wedding ceremony in the Clay County Courthouse. In 2017, they decided that it was time to tie the knot themselves. Although they lived in North Dakota, the couple thought it safer to be married in Minnesota.

."..this was certainly part of making a difference for us. But, being able to be who we are out in the world, it makes a difference, not only within the community, but just advocating to be who we are...we are just who we are." 
​
- Cindy Roholt

Richard and Gunder

​" It was something that I never expected to happen in my life. I thought I would be alone for my entire life. Richard had two previous marriages, but then found out that there was an alternative."

- Gunder Austin

Gunder and Richard were introduced through a mutual friend while they were both living in Jamestown in 2006. They bonded over their shared passion of music and computer work. They lived together in Jamestown, ND, for about 4 years before moving into Richard’s mother’s home near Akeley, MN, after she passed away in 2010.

Gunder and Richard discussed the possibility of getting married after Minnesota legalized same-sex marriage in August 2013. Richard is 100% disabled from Agent Orange exposure during his service in the US military and they both had experience caring for ill family members, so healthcare benefits were an important factor in their discussion. They applied for a marriage license in Hennepin County because they were unsure what kind of reaction they might get in their home county of Hubbard.

​Gunder and Richard were married in a small ceremony at a friend’s home near Menagha, MN, on September 1, 2013.

​Today Gunder and Richard are active members of the VFW, Patriot Dog Assistance program, and other veteran and community organizations. The couple still lives near Akeley, MN, with Richard’s service dog, Knight.

Marlon and Donald

Marlon and Donald met in Bemidji in 1958 and have been together ever since. Unlike many longtime gay couples, Marlon and Donald were in no rush to get married once same-sex marriage was legalized in Minnesota in 2013. They had been in a committed relationship for nearly six decades and weren’t sure if marriage would add anything to their relationship.

After a talk with a friend about the legal protections and financial benefits of being legally married, the pair decided it would be a smart thing to do.

Marlon and Donald finally got hitched on Thanksgiving Day 2019, after 61 years together.

"Patrick gave us information about legal aspects, financial concerns, and inheritance and so on that helped us lean toward the idea. ‘Yep. Maybe it would be a good idea for us to be married, so there will be no question when either of us goes, that the other one will inherit everything.’ And then it just seemed sensible to us."
​
- Marlon Davidson

Matthew and Arnold

Matthew and Arnold met in Eugene, Oregon in 1998. On their first date, Matthew made Arnold dinner, baked him chocolate chip cookies, and gave him roses.

​While in Bena, Minnesota visiting Arnold’s family in 2004, the couple decided to
purchase and renovate The Big Winnie General Store, which had been in Arnold’s family since 1932.

​Arnold is an enrolled member of the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe and since Leech Lake Tribal laws did not prohibit same-sex marriage, they asked the tribe to approve their marriage in 2010. The tribal council dragged its feet for three years until same-sex marriage became legal in Minnesota. After the new law passed, Arnold called and asked about the status of their application; the approval came within 20 minutes.

Matthew and Arnold were married in a ceremony at the Leech Lake Tribal Court on November 15, 2013 in what was the first gay marriage on the Leech Lake Reservation and the first tribally sanctioned same-sex marriage in the Ojibwe Nation.

​"...the marriage was a huge turning point as well, because it wasn’t only just our marriage, but then we opened that door tribally again, and several other couples followed. And so that was what was important. It’s like, you know, the barriers are finally gone, and we’re going back to the old way, the way things used to be."
 
- Arnold Dahl-Wooley

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